On 9/11 seven years ago I thought I was going to take the 1/9 train to the World Trade Center as I had the day before, get out of the train and walk several blocks east to the court house where I had started jury duty the previous day. I had been chosen as a prospective juror in a grand larceny case and unlike the day before the judge had told us to reconvene at 10am instead of 9am as the lawyers and he had some things to discuss about the case. I was just about to run out my door that morning when I got a call from a friend who was hysterical saying, “you’re not going to believe this but a plane just flew into the World Trade Center.” At that point I thought maybe I should call the courthouse? When I called the courthouse I actually got through as no one at that point had realized what was happening or about to happen. They said in lieu of all the commotion downtown that jury duty was cancelled for the day and I should show up tomorrow as scheduled. Little did we know!
Soon it became evident that this wasn’t one misguided pilot and a horrible accident. At that point I decided, why watch the news to see what is happening, I should just go up to the roof of my apartment building where I would have a direct view of the World Trade Center buildings. I wasn’t the only one to have the idea. There were probably about 40 of us up there, each horrified in our own way. Up on the roof we watched in shock at what seemed so unreal. I don’t know why I didn’t think of my friend Karol at that exact moment. I guess there was too much going on to think straight. We listened to someone’s radio, heard about the Pentagon, some people had gone and gotten their binoculars which were passed around, and others got their cameras, but all of us stood in disbelief trying to console the persons to the right and left of us. We knew there was going to be a high death toll, maybe even a hundred or two? I also sadly knew that this meant war, that I was witnessing my generations Pearl Harbor.
As the flames got higher and the situation graver, people were saying things like, “it was built to withstand a 727 jet.” They talked about the structure of the building and how well it was built trying to reassure the people watching and themselves. Then the unthinkable happened, a building collapsed like it was a toy. The magnitude of the experience was just too great! The cloud of smoke and dust was like something I had never seen before. I just shook and stared in utter fear waiting for the building to reappear. It was unthinkable, impossible that it was gone. It was unfathomable to think of all who must have perished. Around me people were screaming and shaking, falling to the ground, trying to steady themselves. Then we all nervously stood and watched the second building and prayed. At this point I have no doubt I was in a state of shock and so were those around me.
Soon thereafter the second building collapsed too. I cannot explain to you the profound sadness that swept over my body. To this day all I have to do is think about those buildings and it is a physical experience. It is something that lives deep inside me and at the time I didn’t know if I could ever feel a sense of normalcy again. People stayed on the roof crying, hugging, feeling lost, not knowing what to do next. What do you do? Eventually I went back to my apartment and woke up a close friend in California. I was talking and speechless at the same time. Then I tried getting through to my family that lives here and elsewhere. Everyone had known that I was on jury duty and thought that I was down there. I needed to assure them I was not.
My girlfriend Karol was missing and all her friends were looking for her, but it seemed that people everywhere were looking for someone. Makeshift memorials started to appear randomly throughout the streets with photo’s, flowers, and candles. I stood in line at the armory with about 1500 others waiting to file a missing persons report. Two of Karol’s other girlfriends had gone to her apartment to get a toothbrush, some hairs, anything that could prove DNA while I waited in line, which we knew would take hours. Volunteers with water, sandwiches and snacks came and offered whatever they had just needing to feel that they were doing something. People walked around the city dazed, few worked.
In different parts of the city groups started to gather, it just happened. People needed to be with other people. They needed someone to mourn with. At Union Square, close to me, thousands started to gather at night, pictures of loved ones, memorabilia and candles filled the park, music, guitars, and groups singing filled the air and we all waited and hoped and started to come to terms with our losses, but we needed to do it together. By this time my friends and I were beginning to accept that our friend was dead, after all she worked on the 89th floor and we knew she was there when the plane entered her building on the 82nd floor.
It’s hard to believe that seven years have passed. Those initial months after 9/11, I lived in its aftermath. I breathed bad air, smelled its stench when the wind would blow in a certain direction, counted the days it took for the clouds to disappear where the buildings once stood. I heard emergency sirens throughout the night for months on end, didn’t sleep a good nights sleep until maybe January, and tried to remember what normalcy was but couldn’t find it. I also knew that what had been normal would change and normalcy would never be what it once was so I would have to find a new normal, a new place to land.
My girlfriend Karol did die. She was in the second tower to get hit but the first to go down. She was on the phone with her mother when the plane entered the building. She had called her mother to tell her something was going on at the WTC, but not to worry, she was ok.
Funny, beautiful, smart, kind hearted; a person full of life; Karol is missed everyday by those who knew her and loved her and she is especially missed today.
Peace.